Let's face it -- after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says:

W T F

The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman. Before Marriage and After Marriage.

Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.

Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.

Women are like phones:
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!

My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.

He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried, but they wanted a cheque.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you may need medicine.

Punishment! ☢ Lightning sometimes shocks people... because, it just doesn't know how to conduct itself... ☢ A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period... it marks the end of his sentence... ☢ A rule of grammar... double negatives are a no-no... ☢ Sleeping comes so naturally to me... I could do it with my eyes closed... ☢ Atheists don't solve exponential equations... because they don't believe in higher powers... ☢ It's raining cats and dogs... well, as long as it doesn't reindeer... ☢ I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me... ☢ My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum... ☢ The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran... ☢ What did the grape say when it got stepped on... nothing, but it let out a little whine... ☢ If you don't pay your exorcist... do you get repossessed... ☢ Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends... but, what would be the point... ☢ I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania... ☢ A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens.... a brother is frying chips. "Are you the friar?" he asks. "No. I'm the chip monk" he replies... ☢ Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring... the doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside... ☢ What's the definition of a will... it's a dead giveaway... ☢ Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted